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i am broken. please fix me..

i would have loved to go see amanda palmer live. i had three opportunities and i managed to come up with excuses not to go to any of these concerts.

looking at the whole situation now, i must admit that only the first excuse is more or less legit. there's this concert in tilburg tomorrow. saskia is otherwise engaged, so she can't go with me. i'm not sure if i'd be able to catch the last train home & i can't stay the night with people there, since i don't know anyone in that city. the amsterdam concert was moved to today. about the same excuse.. except that we do know people in amsterdam. they are probably not going to this concert but i almost certainly would have had a place to crash. so why didn't i at least phone them to ask?

i didn't really have a reason for not going to yesterday's gig in utrecht. well, nothing other than a lame "it's a weekday. i need to go to work early next morning"..
i think i've mentioned this here before, but it's bothering me more and more.. it's like i don't allow myself to have some fun. not too often anyway. it might be a good idea to talk about this with my therapist, next time i see her (which isn't all that frequently). i want to be more impulsive. not think about everything that might not work out or could go wrong.. i always take too many things into consideration.. i need to stop looking for excuses not to do things. why can't i have more of a fuck everything; you only live once attitude? okay, maybe not every day, because that isn't who i am.. but once a month (for starters)?
for now i just need to stop thinking about what i should have done. like how awesome it would have been, had we gone to belgium. see the show in gent on friday. perhaps check into a motel for the weekend..


( 6 comments — Leave a comment )
Oct. 28th, 2008 09:34 pm (UTC)
Am I going to have to come over there and drag you out for a good time? I mean you would have to push my wheelchair.
Oct. 28th, 2008 11:56 pm (UTC)
it's good to see you again. hope you are doing well my friend..
Oct. 28th, 2008 11:03 pm (UTC)
or contacted people you know in Belgium and they would have taken you out for coffee or something ;)
Oct. 29th, 2008 12:00 am (UTC)
i would like that..

maar aangezien naar iets in utrecht of amsterdam gaan al zo'n probleem vormt, zie ik ons nog niet zo snel in een ander land naar een concert gaan. ik hoop dat het op mijn leeftijd nog is aan te leren om dingen wat spontaner te gaan doen..

Oct. 29th, 2008 08:18 am (UTC)
begin met semi-spontaan ?

doe eens iets geks, maar doe het gepland ?

trouwens, op jouw leeftijd, je ziet er anders nog aardig uit om zo'n fossiel te zijn ;)
Oct. 29th, 2008 05:09 am (UTC)
well, considering the way I found your journal, I'd give you points for spontaneity, but then I don't know you on a personal, intimate level...but baby steps. just like anything else.
tomorrow's concert, for example: maybe stay at a motel for the night, and possibly take a change of clothes with you if you have work to go to the next day?
anyway, hope all's well, or at least goes well. :D
( 6 comments — Leave a comment )